Reality...

i am getting very weepy these days. little things can trigger my emotions and i will breakdown in tears.

lately, i feel tired and i feel alone. ryan had not been spending time with me. he had been out and had been coming home late, leaving me at home very often.

i constantly fear that i will have to handle my bb alone with no help.

i also fear that i feel alone. i need company at this time. 6 more weeks to go and there are no signs of me popping rebekah early, but i didnt wanna go thru labour alone.

i'm constantly locked in my room and just surfing the web or going to sleep early since no one talks to me, not even ryan.

i tell myself that once i get use to it, it does not bother me anymore as i resigned to the fact that my husband is once again, not wanting to be with me and spend time with me during his waking hours, which really hurts me alot.

on the more positive side, i had also begun reading the bible, though i still have not started parying. I had been preparing for lit rebekah to arrive by buying her tons to clothes and accessories that could possibly last thru 24 months of her life.

i am also reading up on the Contented Baby Series of sleep - hopefully, i can train rebekah to sleep well from 2 weeks onwards.

all the baby gear had arrived and what is left is to clear our room, clean it and move the furniture around.

35 weeks and counting ... my life is going to change ... i need to be a strong momma ...

God, help make me one.